For some folks, infidelity is a guilty pleasure—and for others, there's nothing guilty about it at all.
According to a new report in the International Journal of Sexual Health, when researchers asked 77 people who were having affairs why they cheated and how they felt about it, roughly two thirds claimed they felt no remorse for their actions.
OK, so some cheaters don't feel bogged down by their decisions. But what about everyone else who's in on their dirty little secrets? Let’s say your best bud is cheating on his wife—who also happens to be your friend. What’s your move? Do you keep your mouth shut and stick to the bro-code, or do you spill the beans to his wife, considering she probably has the right to know the truth?
Ponder no longer, friend. Here are the top factors you need to consider before making the tough decision.
1. What's Your Outlook? Have you or someone close to you, like your mom or dad, been unfaithful? “Often your emotions and the environment you were raised in will have a huge impact when it comes to making ethical decisions,” says John Sanchez, Ph.D., an associate professor at Penn State University. So if you have a bad personal history with infidelity, you could be much more willing to rat out your friend.
2. See It from Both Sides Loyalty plays another big role in ethical decisions, Sanchez says. But here's where it gets tricky: Just where does that loyalty lie? Are you faithful to your close friend who's up to no good, or the acquaintance who's getting shafted and deserves to know what's up? Sanchez’s advice: Put yourself in both of their shoes.
If you were being cheated on, would you want to know the dirt? Definitely. But if you were the one in the wrong, you'd also expect your best friend to keep his mouth shut. Which brings us to . . .
3. The Decision Unfortunately, there's no true right and wrong answer, because your decision usually boils down to situational ethics, says Sanchez. So figure out which move—spilling the beans or staying quiet—will cause the least amount of harm. If you tell the wife, are you going to lose your best friend? If you seal your lips and she somehow finds out you knew, will you be in even deeper water? Consider every outcome before making your final choice, Sanchez advises.
Clearly we can't decide for you—sorry!—but Sanchez’s words of wisdom may help: No matter how you feel about the situation, it’s not your responsibility to make things right. Put pressure on your buddy to fix the mess he’s made. Tell him you’re not trying to give him an ultimatum, but you can no longer stand hanging out with the both of them when you have that kind of weight on your shoulders. That way you won't break the bro-code, and he'll have extra incentive to man up, come clean, and handle his own business, says Sanchez.
