There are some obvious relationship milestones that tell you when things are getting more serious, like when you meet the parents. But there are also some seemingly tiny moments that can actually be just as monumental, and even more thrilling. Here are five relationship breakthroughs so small, if you blink you just might miss them.
- Being comfortable with silence. This past weekend my boyfriend, Blake, and I walked for eight blocks without talking. I find there are three main types of silence in a relationship: the type that comes after a huge fight, the kind that is a result of being absorbed by your phone or some other distraction, and the one that happens while you’re enjoying something together without feeling like the silence makes it awkward. That last one is golden.
- Spending the night without having sex. Of course the first time you have sex is huge deal. But that first night you collapse into bed, give each other a smooch, and pass out is also an important marker. The relationship is moving from can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other to the craving-just-sleeping-next-to-each other that comes with getting more attached to someone. That, in itself, is as thrilling as a good session between the sheets.
- Sacrificing the last bite of food. I was recently eating Talenti Banana Chocolate Swirl straight from the pint. It’s one of my favorites. As I closed in on the last bite, I was overcome with the urge to give it to Blake. I had been saving it for last because it had the perfect amount of chocolate bits bisected by a fat hunk of caramel. I watched myself spoon it up and offer it to him like I was having an out-of-body experience. I was both appalled and proud of myself. (It’s okay if you’re relieved when they tell you it’s OK to have the bite for yourself. You’re only human).
- Having unplanned dates. In the beginning of a relationship, everyone is on their best date behavior. It’s all about doing cool things like mixology classes and Broadway shows. Premeditated dates are excellent, but there’s also something to be said for spending time together with no set plan. It’s a transition from the date hinging on an activity to it being a given that you’ll spend time together, no matter what you do.
- Spilling something about yourself. I don’t mean some deep, intense secret that could be out of a Gillian Flynn novel. I mean the kind of silly quirk that makes you who you are, but that probably wouldn’t come up on a first date because it isn’t covered in typical getting-to-know-you conversation. Mine is that I love watching shows about airplane crashes. Seems morbid, but they actually helped me get past my fear of flying. Maybe you have conversations with your dog like she’s a human being or dance to Beyoncé every night before bed. Whatever it is, they’re the qualities that usually take a while to reveal themselves but happen to be the most lovable of all.