No matter your status, you can always up the ante
Find yourself acting crazy to get a girl's attention? Your grandpa probably pulled the same move on your grandma. Men have been prone to take big risks to earn a woman’s love since the dawn of time, according to new research published in the Journal of Risk Research.
Researchers looked at three risky behaviors: unprotected sex, gambling, and reckless driving.
The researchers explain: Back in caveman days, men needed to take major gambles for food, shelter, and sexual partners—or they didn’t survive to pass on their genes. Now, the need to take risks is programmed into male DNA. However, since today’s environment is generally safer, men have turned to other ways to roll the dice.
Being bold in the name of your love life is good—if you know the right risks to take. Here are four surprising moves you should make in every phase of your relationship.
1. Flirting? Don't Be Mr. Nice Guy A study published last year in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychologyshowed that women love the charisma of a bad boy. While you don’t actually have to be that guy, channel him to catch the attention of the cute girl standing by the bar. “Tease her when you first meet,” suggests dating expert Lauren Frances. “If she trips, give her a nickname. Say, ‘Whoa there, ballerina. Be careful.’ ” Then you can ask if she’s okay and introduce yourself. Most guys are polite, so playing it safe won’t get her to take notice. Just remember to walk the fine line between teasing and insulting. Make sure to crack a smile so she knows you’re kidding, and stay away from commenting on physical qualities.
2. New Relationship? Mention Another Woman A couple months in, you think your relationship is serious, but you’re not totally sure. Check on your status by bringing up another woman—then dismissing her. Say something like, "Guess what? I turned down a Kate Upton look-alike when she hit on me at Starbucks this morning. I told her I had a more attractive girlfriend already." Research has shown women size up other ladies, especially celebrities, breeding insecurities. Make your move to be exclusive by brushing off the competition. There’s a risk in the presumption she’s your girlfriend before explicitly discussing it—but she’ll likely love the confidence you feel in your connection.
3. Newlywed? Ask Stupid Questions While you’re caught up in the rush of dating, you might forget to ask the basic questions about your wife. (Do you actually know what she wanted to be when she grew up at age 10?) Don’t fear looking dumb—now's the perfect time to speak up. “We know that couples who have a good ‘love map’ of their partner are more likely to stay together,” says marriage therapist Mike Dow, Psy.D. “This means you not only know where she likes to be kissed, but it also means you know the names of her three best friends, the name of her high school, and even her parents' favorite restaurant.” Research has shown that understanding a spouse’s history creates marital stability, so think of each question as further investment in your relationship.
4. Married 10 Years? Keep Arguing with Her It’s tempting to check out when fights become frequent, but backing off won’t fix the problem. “When you go silent and still, you shut your partner out,” says couples therapist Sue Johnson, Ph.D, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). “But 99 percent of the time, she will just get more panicked and upset. It’s as if you have walked away emotionally and left her behind.” Johnson suggests keeping the argument going, just to tell her what’s going on in your head. “Comment on what's happening,” Johnson says. “Start to say things like, ‘It's really difficult to know how to respond to you right now’ or ‘Can we just calm down and maybe start again here?’ ” Don’t try to fix the problem right away. Get all the emotions out, let the fight die down organically, and then talk it out.