Planning on catching up with your ex? Do it at a coffee shop, not a fancy restaurant. Meeting an old fling for lunch or dinner will make your current girlfriend significantly more jealous than meeting up for a mere cup of Joe, finds a new study in PLoS ONE.
What gives? Java is just more casual. “When you think of grabbing food with someone, meals can become an hour-long commitment,” says dating and flirting expert Tracey Steinberg. But with coffee, you’re usually at the café for less than 30 minutes.
And though we've told you before that getting back together with your ex is never a good idea, rekindling a platonic friendship with her is possible and even healthy—if you avoid a few major missteps. Here are the do's and dont's of befriending an old fling.
Do . . . Be an Open Book Before you meet up with the ex, make sure your current squeeze knows about it. “Your girlfriend needs to be your number one priority,” says Steinberg. Tell her the place, let her know the time, show her the texts—even invite her along if she's up to it. “This full disclosure is only going to make you look like a better boyfriend,” says Steinberg. (Want to get on her good side—and stay there?
Don’t . . . Pry Into Her Personal Life Once you’re face to face with your ex, keep the conversation light and friendly. Don’t ask her if she’s currently seeing anyone, because honestly, it shouldn't even matter to you, says Steinberg. Instead, chat with her about her job, family, and recent vacations. On the same token, don’t give too many details about your own current situation. “Make it known that you have a girlfriend now and that you’re happy—but leave it at that,” says Steinberg.
Do . . . Keep Your Hands to Yourself “When you’re hanging out with an ex, it’s really hard to act as if those feelings never existed,” says Steinberg.
But nip any old touchy-feely habits in the bud. Give her a quick hug upon greeting her, and then put your friend gloves on. Anything else will put you on thin ice with the woman waiting at home.
Don’t . . . Reflect on the Past Keep your interaction purely platonic, advises Steinberg. Don’t bring up old inside jokes you used to have, don’t reminisce on the past, and refrain from using old nicknames you had for each other. (No "babe" slips.) The easiest way to hang with your ex is to focus on the present and avoid straying from it, says Steinberg. Want more must-have relationship advice delivered right to your inbox? Sign up for The Girl Next Door newsletter for free!