Foggy memory, unholy matrimony? Couples who disagree on when they started dating have lower quality marriages than pairs who are on the same page, reports a study in Social Science Research.
Researchers quizzed married couples about the timelines of several relationship stages, including when partners first started sleeping at each other's houses, and how long they shacked up before getting hitched.
(Husbands and wives answered separately.) The results: The further apart couples were in their guesses—particularly about the early stages, like when they first became official—the lower their reported marital satisfaction.You swear you started hooking up with your wife in September '06, but she says it was more like that December. So should you be worried? "In the most literal sense, that doesn't matter," says lead researcher Sarah Halpern-Meekin, Ph.D., of the University of Wisconsin-Miluwakee. "What matters, we think, is the degree to which you were on the same page as one another so that one of you didn't end up in a more committed relationship than you were bargaining for."
Think of it like this: If your girlfriend moves in and you think it's the next step on the path to marriage while she just thinks it's easier than rushing home in last night's clothes, you'll likely face future problems because your goals and commitment levels aren't aligned, Halpern-Meekin says.
The fix is to have those dreaded "talks" at big turning points, she says. "Don't just give your girlfriend a key to your apartment because it's more convenient, or give her space in the dresser so her stuff isn't spread out on the floor.
Check in with her—does having a key mean she lives there now? If so, where do you see things going in the future?" Such discussions may seem scary, Halpern-Meekin says, but it's better to nip a problem in the bud now than later, when you're much more emotionally invested.