I've always valued friendships but especially so in this past year of being alone. Uh, wait, value is not the right word. I depend on them—like oxygen. My friends have become my family. My tribe. They know the nuances of my life—the ugly parts, the sad parts, the beautiful and blissfully exciting parts.
I'm hardly awake for 5.3 seconds before I reach for my phone and text one of them an update, even if it's just, "Ugh. Need. Coffee. Now."
This year, my pals have peeled me off the bathroom floor in moments of utter devastation and sadness (truth); they've frolicked around like court jesters to make me laugh (also truth); they've let me cry on their shoulders (quite literally). They've simply…been there. But here's the surprising thing, at least for me, in my time as a single gal: Many of these friends have been male. (Exhibit A: Ben, a dear friend, pictured above. How much fun are our fake glasses?)
I have to admit, this is…sort of new for me. I mean, sure, I've had male friends in my life. Lots of them. But never like this. It took my being alone, and free, to realize that I could actually have deep and rewarding friendships with men, just as I have with women.
In short, my guy friends rock. And here are five I think every girl should incorporate into her circle:
1. The truth talker: This is the guy who you can admit, candidly, over drinks in a sports bar, that you sometimes wear Spanx. But just when you're wearing something fitted! And only when you really want to impress a new date!
And, and, and! This is when he'll set his beer down, shake his head, and say, "Darling, men hate Spanx. They are essentially granny panties." And then you will pout for a moment, think about said Spanx, and decide (an hour later), that they are, indeed, granny panties. And then you never wear them again. In fact, you decide you never needed them anyway! And you text this friend two months later and thank him for helping you see the light.2. The flirt: The two of you have no relationship future—you both know that—but he makes you feel beautiful and tells you how stunning you look in the dress you're wearing. He makes you feel like a woman (a beautiful woman), and you feel energized in his presence. People mistake you for a couple when you're out, but the two of you don't mind—you know where you stand, respect each other enough not to cross the line. After all, you want to come to his wedding, and you know that he'll be at yours someday.
3. The guy about town: He's the first to know about which band is playing where in your city and often scores VIP tickets. He's a gentleman; he will offer to pay the bill at dinner, even when you insist against it, and is quick to help you find you a cab home when you need it. He likes your presence and introduces you to new, high-caliber people. Keep this pal on speed dial—he's a great stand-in date to your best friend's wedding.
4. The protector: This is the guy to call when things aren't going so hot. He gets your problems, and even more, he truly cares. He wants the best for you, just as you want the best for him. He's got your back, so much so that when you text him something like, "turns out, the new guy I thought I really liked is seeing four other women," he responds immediately with, "want me to burn down his house?" And then you write back, "LOL" and you instantly feel better.
5. The confession listener: You can tell ANYTHING to this guy. And I mean, anything. He doesn't judge. He listens and gives you his honest take. He shares things with you too. Sometimes deeply personal things. It's OK. You're a vault, and so is he. There's safety and freedom in this type of confessing. The two of you may be equally lost, but it's awesome to be lost together.
If you can find a guy who embodies all five of these qualities, well, maybe marry him.
Readers, tell me about your guy friendships. What do you love most about these friendships, and how have they made your life more awesome?