1. "Oooh, kinky." Yeah, I'm up for anything!
2. "Wait, do you just want to cheat on me with Karen from work?" Thanks for inviting me to a party wherein you bone the girl who always wears cool skirt suits while I watch in the corner.
3. "We're definitely going to break up soon. I guess I'll move back in with my parents. " No need to show me out. Thank you for your time and see you around or whatever.
4. "What if she has Gisele abs and Beyoncé hair and Kate Upton boobs, and I just end up sobbing in the corner alone?" And then I end up sitting in a Denny's wearing sweatpants and mumbling about how "you should never have a threesome, kids" for the rest of my life.
5. "Wait, it is a her, right?" I mean, you probably don't want a guy. Or do you? And if you do, what does that mean?
6. "Actually, hold up, can it be a guy instead?" I mean, as long as we're in the discussion phase of this, I'd really rather it be a guy because I would like an extra penis and two additional man hands on my special parts.
7. "Where the hell are we supposed to find this third person because I would sooner die than have it be someone we already know." Craigslist? Tinder? Am I seriously picking out a third person for us to have sex with or is this just another one of those weird dreams I have after eating too many strawberries?
8. "Definitely not High Ponytail, she seems like she would yell at us a lot. How about Girl Who Looks Nice and Like She'd Leave Right After?" Look, I just want this to be a pleasant evening for us all. That's what a threesome is, right?
A pleasant evening?9. "How do I ask her without sounding like a creepy woman who lives in a sex dungeon in the woods?" Oh, hello, Jennifer. You seem lovely and like someone I would shop with. Would you perchance enjoy having sex with my partner and I? LOL, this is so weird!
10. "Oh, she's here, let me just prep a quick cheese plate." Should we talk for a while or just right to the sex part? I mean, that sounds odd. I'd like to at least know whether or not she gets my jokes before we all touch bodies.
11. "How do I know when it's my turn? Will you pass me a baton?" And then once I have the baton, where do I go? Back to the person who gave me the baton or do we rotate like musical chairs with nudity?
12. "My partner is kissing someone else in front of me." Is it OK to hate this?
13. "I am kissing someone else in front of my partner." Is it OK to like this?
14. "I hope you're good at Rubik's Cubes because I have no idea where my limbs are going." I've got one arm at 2 o'clock and one leg at 7 o'clock, so please help me out, I'm dying over here.
15. "Wow. We just had a threesome. A threesome with sex. Sex with three of us. In the same room." Wanna go get brunch and never talk about it again? Cool. Me too.