I remember vividly how scared I was to tell my now-boyfriend that I was divorced. He wasn't the first person I'd dated since I'd split with my ex-husband, but he would be the first who I'd have to deliver to news to myself. I'd been spared from divulging my past to other dates thanks to social media and social circles.
I wasn't very eloquent about it. "You should know something," I sputtered. "I was married. And now I'm divorced."
And bless this sweet, sweet man who is now mine, because he replied, "I can see why that matters to you, but it doesn't matter to me. It doesn't change who you are to me, or how much I like you."
But can we all be as accepting, tolerant and understanding of our significant other's pasts as my boyfriend was of mine? And to that end, what in our pasts should actually matter when it comes to our current relationships? Let's discuss.
Cheating: If he cheated in the past, but it wasn't on you—and he's accepted responsibility for his part in the affair and is remorseful that he hurt his previous S.O.—would you still let his cheating past disrupt your future? (Science says once a cheater, always a cheater. But what say you?)
His number: There's a 99 percent chance you're not his first, but after that, does it matter to you where on the list you fall? Could you hit a number—high in the double-digits, perhaps—where you couldn't help but picture his past experience when you two enter the bedroom?
His ex: She's an ex for a reason, sure. But could someone say something about her beauty, brains or effervescence that would make you worry you'd never stack up?
Drug use: If you barely dabbled in teen drinking but your S.O. spent most of his college years stoned, would you care? Even if he put out (pun intended) his desire to light up anything you can't buy at a gas station, might you worry you share different values and morals because of his past actions?
Divorce: If your dude, like me, left a marriage before death did they part, would you question his ability to commit to you? If the time came that he proposed, would part of you wonder if this time he would make it work?
Money problems: Maybe he filed for bankruptcy, or once maxed out a credit card so he could buy VIP service for his BFF's bachelor party. If he's in the clear now and out of the red, would his past financial flaws have you still seeing red?
I'd love to hear your thoughts on each of these issues, or any others you think should or shouldn't matter, in the comments below!
