Moving in with my boyfriend is one of the best things I’ve ever done. He’s the best roommate I’ve ever had, mainly because I don’t have to be passive-aggressive about asking him to wash his dishes. I can just yell at him, then kiss and make up. Active aggression is a flawless system really. I knew shacking up would change things, but I wasn’t entirely sure how.
So for all of you lovebirds out there who are considering this step for yourselves, here’s a list of truths about cohabitation that I didn’t see coming. If any of these sound like deal-breakers, then maybe you two should maintain separate leases.
1. It's harder to have regular sex.
That’s the big one I think most people worry about, and unfortunately it’s a real thing (unless one of you has a hyperactive libido, in which case I’m jealous). It seems counterintuitive since you two sleep in the same bed every night but that’s also the problem—you’re together every night. That built-in passion and excitement of seeing one another more sporadically is gone. You’re tired and lazy, and just hanging out watching Netflix together is pretty sweet too. So don’t take it personally or get depressed if the sex dwindles; just address it head-on. Most people respond to the statement, “Hey, honey, I want to have more sex,” with a hearty, “OK!”
2. You will have to clean things you never thought you would have to clean.
It’s apparently hard to pee into a target if you’re half asleep, even for grown-ass men. I never thought I’d clean up anybody’s pee dribbles, but I do it regularly for the man I love.
3. Shaving regularly is a chore you will be annoyed you have to do more frequently because he's around all the time, but then eventually you'll let that slip too.
Until the one night you’re lying in bed and you realize he’s doing everything he can to avoid brushing up against your hairy legs, at which point you swear to yourself that you will shave regularly for the rest of your god-damn life.
4. Figuring out finances with the person you date is not super fun but very necessary.
The first time we went grocery shopping after we moved in together it suddenly dawned on us, “Oh, wait. Who is paying for this?” Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew living together meant splitting costs, but I didn’t realize it would mean saving all food and house-related receipts and doing a monthly tally of who spent what to make sure we’re spending an equal amount. If you are ever looking for the opposite of sexy, it’s an Excel spreadsheet, but that’s the system that works for us. Figuring out a system early on made splitting costs a nonissue. Next step is figuring out how we can both make more money. Yeah, right.
5. You will fight about furniture.
“That couple fighting at Ikea” is almost a cliché now. But I promise you two will find yourselves disagreeing on what kind of bookshelf to buy or how much to spend on a bookshelf or if we even really need a bookshelf at all. You may think you are immune to this, but something happens when you move in with your significant other. You suddenly care a lot about this little home you’re building together. It feels less transient than all the places you’ve lived with roommates, and you want it to be nice, dammit! So we really need a West Elm bookshelf even if it’s overpriced!
6. When one of you gets sick, the other will get sick—every time, without fail.
You can’t avoid a sick partner like a sick coworker or roommate. And, yes, if he gets you sick, you will be resentful even if that’s not exactly fair of you. Hopefully he’ll understand that you’re extra cranky right now because you’re sick.
7. Good luck trying to never fart in front of each other!