There is one question I get asked probably more than any other by my female friends: Can a woman ever ask a man out? And while the question maybe isn’t a rhetorical one, it’s rare that the asker doesn’t already know the answer. It’s really more of a test of the current cultural barometer than anything else, and the best I can offer on this one is—short answer, no, long answer, no but…
Now, I’m certainly aware of how frustrating this reality can be, especially when a guy you like just isn’t doing any asking. And I don't necessarily agree with it and happen to really respect women who take the initiative. But if you want to know what the majority of guys out there think, then yes—it's better to let him as you out.
If the roles were reversed and it was up to us as a gender to charm you into asking us out, let’s just say that the human race would have petered out a couple of thousand years ago. Yes, we are scared. And we sometimes fail to act, even when we want to. But the issue remains problem that when a girl asks a guy out, more often than not for the guy it just feels weird. Don't shoot the messenger!
Success is not impossible—there are certainly some guys out there who would love it if a woman asked them to go on a date—but the reality is that, at best, you’re maybe looking at a 50 percent success rate. If you're still game to try it, here are four examples of how the whole thing can go down, based on what I've seen over and over again:
Situation 1: The Cold Ask to a Total Stranger
Back during my youthful days as the world’s worst waiter, I once had a woman at one of my tables ask me out. Specifically she asked me if I wanted to go to a dance party with her later that night, a request that I politely but immediately declined. It turned out to be a prescient move; later on, she emerged from the restroom wearing bright red lipstick that looked as if it had been applied by a mechanical paint mixer, and then proceeded to dump the contents of her purse out onto the table in order to root around for the clumped bills and loose change that she would use to pay her bill.
Situation 2: The Soft Ask to An Acquaintance
This is similar to the cold ask, except that you already know the guy on a casual level. Perhaps he’s someone you work with, or a friend of a friend. In any case, some mutual interaction has already occurred. Now, the odds of success here are slightly higher. It’s still the same problem: If you ask us out, then we’re left wondering, wait, why is no one else asking her out? Didn’t I hear a rumor about her last boyfriend mysteriously disappearing? In other words, even though we may know you casually, and possibly even have people from whom we can glean information about you, we’re still put off by the whole process. To our infantile minds, a great girl should have guys banging down her door, not the other way around.
Situation 3: The Group Ask
OK, now you’re getting into territory where maybe, just maybe, this makes sense. The group ask is where you are doing something with a group of friends, maybe even people he knows, and you invite him to come along. “Oh, you should totally come to the barbecue on Saturday!” That sort of thing. Of course, the problem with this is, it’s still cursory interaction, one in which he possibly has no idea that you’re interested. Follow-up will still be required in the form of either a.) working your feminine wiles into getting him to formally ask you out, or b.) sucking it up and asking him on a real date. And wherever “b” lands you can often depend on how close you’ve gotten during your group hang-outs, which leads us to the final and most successful of the girl-asks-guy situations…
Situation 4: The Friend Ask
With all of that group time under your belt, it’s now possible that some chemistry has sparked. And it’s equally possible that he wants to date you but that he is worried it could torpedo your friendship. This isn’t a common situation for guys (usually if we like you, we just ask you out) but it can definitely happen. Or maybe the needle hasn’t clicked in his head that says, “Hey, I really like this girl; we should totally date,” and he simply needs a nudge in the right direction. Again, not a common male occurrence but not unheard-of either. I’ve actually been in this latter situation, and the girl did end up asking me out, and we did go on a couple of dates together. The relationship didn’t ultimately pan out, but for reasons that had nothing to do with the fact that she asked me to go on a date. Which basically means that you have to consider whether you like the guy enough to put this much work in, even though the success rate is mediocre at best. It’s certainly tough out there in the dating pool, and occasionally a full-court press is needed. But just know that it’s probably an option best used as a last resort.
Agree? Disagree? It's just my opinion as a guy. Leave a comment below with your thoughts.