On just about every online dating profile I've ever seen, someone always writes that they, "Want someone to go on adventures with!" For a long time, I related to that and felt like, "Whoa. Someone else wants what I want?" but then I realized every single person writes that and there's no way they all mean that literally. Even I didn't mean it literally.
I didn't want someone to go on adventures with. Not really. And I'm pretty sure most people don't want that either. When you're looking to date someone, you're usually not looking for a nonstop parasailing partner, or someone to scale a mountain with every weekend. You're looking for someone to eat snacks with and watch TV with and cuddle with and go to museums 3-4 times a year max with — with the ever-present option of some sort of adventure happening that you both experience together.
Now, you could say, "But Lane! I do want there to be some adventure in my life!" and I hear you. I want my life to be like an epic movie all the time, so I understand. But unless your life already revolves around doing extreme sports on the regular and you want a partner to do that shit with, that's probably not what you're actually hoping for.
If most people actually dated someone who legit loved going on nonstop eXtReMe adventures, they'd probably end up in the hospital at some point and I don't have time for that. No one can stand that much non-stop excitement and thrill-seeking and come out totally unscathed. Also, you'd better have excellent health insurance and a job that doesn't mind that you never show up because you're too busy Living Live To The Fucking FULLEST.
And let me just say, there's nothing wrong with that! I think people who actually do that are kind of incredible and I wish I had it in me, but the average person really does not. There are maybe 1 of those for every 3,000 dating profiles that claim they love adventures (that's just a guess based on how few people I see in my neighborhood REI store).
I think what most people mean when they say "I want someone to go on adventures with" is "I want someone who I can do nothing with and it still feels like an adventure." It's just less cool to say that, so people feel like they'll seem more fun if they say the former. But I think the latter is what most people want. That's what I want. I want someone I can have as much fun with in a grocery store as I can when we're swimming with dolphins in obnoxiously blue water. But mostly the grocery store thing because the dolphin situation will probably happen once a year max (and it will happen. Ohhhh it will.) but the grocery store thing? That shit is regular.
It's pretty easy to have fun with someone when you just flew to the Maldives together. Everything is gorgeous and perfect and swim-up bars exist. But being able to have fun together when you're seeing a movie, or getting dinner, or not strapping parachutes on each other is what's much harder to find.
So next time you're writing your online dating profile and you feel pressured to put some crap about how much you love being CrAyZaY but in reality, most of the time you just love coming home after work and watching TV and taking the occasional brisk walk, just know that I'm right there with you. Passing up mainstream adventures left and right.
Maybe that's what I actually want. Someone to pass up 80 percent of adventures with.
