Another Friday night, another fresh chance to charm her pants off—only to leave the club disappointed. If you haven't had much luck luring the ladies lately, maybe it's time to reassess your seduction strategies. Here are five pickup mistakes you're bound to make, and the easy fix that will reverse your flirting fortunes.
1. Thinking About the Endgame
You flirt with her expecting two outcomes: She falls in love—then falls in bed—with you. But fixating on the end result is a surefire way to extinguish any potential flame, says Todd Valentine, a pickup artist and relationship coach for men. Not only can you completely freak yourself out, constantly wondering if your little exchange is headed toward sex, but ladies have pretty adept BS meters, he says. If a woman feels like you're talking to her for one thing and one thing only, you could wind up with a cold shoulder—or an even colder drink in your face.
Fix your flirt: “Enjoy the interaction for its own sake,” says Valentine. It makes for a much more fun night. Plus, the more you focus on the present conversation, the more likely there are to be future ones.
2. Roasting Her
If you’re like most guys, teasing has been your go-to move ever since you were on the playground chasing girls and pulling pigtails. And while it’s true that a certain level of playful teasing can take your witty banter up a notch, guys are prone to taking it too far, says life coach Rachel DeAlto, author of Flirt Fearlessly. Prime example: “Wow, I’ve never seen a woman with a few extra pull off a dress like that.
” Yikes.Fix your flirt: Does she poke fun at you? Tease back a bit: “So you’re a rosé kind of girl? Uh-oh.” Just keep the playing field level. You don’t want her feeling like she has to lose for you to win, Valentine warns.
3. Ignoring Her Signals
You’re flirting with her, but is she sending the same vibes? “Guys often barrel through a conversation without regard to the fact that flirting is a dance, and you need to set a good pace and have a willing partner," DeAlto says. Otherwise, you’re wasting both of your time—and potentially annoying the bejeezus out of her.
Fix your flirt: Tune into her body language, suggests DeAlto. Is she leaning forward? Playing with her hair? Smiling? Touching you? If not, no level of flirting will save you. Abort.
4. Not Going in for the Close
“I hear it over and over from women that they will be talking to a guy and he doesn’t ask them out. He doesn’t try to get a number. Doesn’t do anything,” DeAlto says. “So she’s left confused as to what just happened, and he’s left with nothing to show for that great conversation.”
Fix your flirt: If you think she’s feeling it, go for it. Ask if you can have her number. Another option: Give her your business card, and jot your personal digits down. That way it’s really up to her if you chat again.
5. Waiting Too Long to Text
Got her number? Great! Just don’t screw the pooch now and wait forever to follow up. “You risk turning her off or making her think you’re not her priority, which ultimately she wants to be,” says Debra Goldstein, coauthor of Flirtexting. After all, if there was ever any legitimacy to the 3-day rule, texting has outdated it.
Fix your flirt: It’s not a hard-and-fast rule, but letting 12 to 24 hours pass between “Can I have your number?” and “Remember me?” conveys your interest without making you come off like a stalker, Goldstein says.