The holidays can seriously suck when you’re single—but they’re not exactly cut-and-dry nonstop stressless happiness for couples either. Do you buy your two-week-long love a Hanukkah gift, for example? Add your new dude’s roommate to your Christmas card mailing list? And what about this doozey: Should you bring your main man home for the holidays?
Answers: Put the Hanukkah gift down, and always err on the side of endearing yourself to his roommate. But as for whether you should invite your guy to join in on your family’s Turkey Day feast, or stand between you and your sister as you sing carols by the Christmas tree—that answer’s not so simple.
First, consider whether he’s met your family before. If the answer is no, then I’d strongly advise you to skip introducing him this holiday season. This isn’t about timing. Whether you’ve been together two weeks, two months, or (hopefully not) two years without that awkward first handshake between your father and your boyfriend is irrelevant to this particular point—we’ll get to it in the next paragraph. Because what we’re talking about here is whether your guy is ready to be thrown to the wolves, i.e., your distant relatives seated at a single table, debating Obamacare, tisk-tisking your brother’s nonexistent table manners and saying, all too loudly, just how nice it is to finally see you with a man. Even if your entire family is on their best behavior, how well can your boyfriend really get to know the most important people in your life when they’re bustling in and out of the kitchen, their attention split between you, six other people, and a shrilling timer on the oven?
Second, no matter who you are or what your age, if you read about the Hanukkah gift above and promptly put your credit card down, you haven’t been with your boyfriend long enough to talk turkey quite yet. But once you pass that one-month mark, in my opinion, things start to get a little murky. Past that point, more important than a designated time period is the commitment you have to one another. Because if you bring home a man to meet your family before you see a future with him, you may find yourself snipping his face out of your holiday photos come the new year. Now, I’m not talking about a white-dress, kids-names-picked-out kind of future—just the kind that when you look back on the season, you won’t regret bringing this man home to bond with your family. Maybe you’ll even let his face stay in the photos if your relationship comes to an end.
Finally, do you even want him there to spend the holidays with you? If you don’t feel ready, or the only reason you’d extend an invitation is because of family pressure, then this answer is as clear as the one to the Hanukkah gift: Don’t do it. On the other hand, if you can’t picture yourself beneath the tree without him, don’t let naysayers keep you from asking him to enjoy this season, and your family, with you. It's totally time.
How long have you waited until you've asked a guy to come home for the holidays? Would you have waited longer, or done it sooner? Did you introduce him to your parents first?