Chances are it was awkward, embarrassing, and over in a minute—and it could still be giving you fits all these years later. Your first time having sex may set the tone for the rest of your sexual life, says new research published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.
Researchers interviewed 331 men and women about losing their virginity, asking them how they felt about the overall experience and how their sex lives impacted their well-being. Post-interview, the participants kept a sex diary for 2 weeks, describing and rating all of their sexual activity.
The results: Those who had a positive first-time experience were most emotionally and physically satisfied in their current relationships. But those who felt more anxious and negative about their first time reported lower overall sexual functioning.
But as any knowledgeable researcher would tell you, correlation does not equal causation. So breathe easy: You're probably not doomed for a life of bad sex just because of one lousy quickie back in freshman year.
“First-time sex for anybody can go wrong,” says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. Whether it’s your high-school sweetheart or your hundredth hookup, many factors can throw off your first sexual encounter with her, she explains.
You're probably not worrying about losing your virginity anymore, but just because that milestone is in the past, it doesn’t mean your first time with a new fling will be any less nerve-racking. To help set your mind at ease, here are three foolproof tips for having better first-time sex.
Master Your Domain Concerned you may not last long enough for her? Take matters into your own hands—literally. “Masturbating before the date can help take the edge off,” says Brame. When you first hook up with the woman you've long lusted after, it’s completely normal to come sooner than you’d want, because your body is overly excited and raging with hormones, Brame explains. Masturbating before your date helps put the ball back in your court.
Take Your Time Once you've hit the bed, start out slow by using your lips—a lot. Begin at her mouth, then kiss down her neckline, past her breasts, and down her stomach to her inner thighs. Meanwhile, use your hands to explore her breasts, says Brame. “Take time to focus on her nipples with your fingers and tongue," she advises. You might be ready to romp after a few minutes of foreplay, but she may not be there yet. Pause to ask her what she wants you to do next. “Don’t just assume she wants you to thrust inside her,” says Brame. Good sex is all about communication, so before you get to the main event, make sure she’s satisfied with the starting act, says Brame.
Forget Old Moves When it comes to your sexual skill set, throw what you know out the window. “Every new person requires new exploration,” says Brame. And every woman is going to have different preferences when it comes to technique, speed, and foreplay, among many other factors, she explains. Simply put, those killer moves your ex loved so much may not cut it this time. So slow down, take your time savoring every inch of her, and make sure to pay close attention to how she responds to your touch.
